![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My ears are sensitive souls
Aug. 16th, 2018 08:32 pm My ears, soft pink conch shells
too loud, the world makes them cringe
hearing, a sense I take for granted
overwhelmed in the noise
I've had trouble with my ears forever. When i was little every earring i tried to wear made them swell and get infected. I'm allergic to metal. Not all metal. I've learned that I can wear sterling silver for a time without a reaction. A dog ripped an earring splitting my earlobe. I have tiny white scar
And then came the day I suddenly just started screaming. There was a large pop in my ear. And then pain. The hospital ignored me. Gave me xrays on my chest. Checked my breathing. There was nothing wrong with my breathing. I was screaming. Finally, they listened to me.They sent me home with antibiotics. It was just an ear infection. Although, as an adult I wonder. Ear infections don't SUDDENLY hurt. And I wasn't sick. They didn't bother me until that sharp pain in my head.
My ears are still sensitive. They trap water. Whenever I'm sick I lose my hearing. Right now, my right ear is deaf. Nothing but an internal ringing which is what I hear when it's silent. I see the doctor on Tuesday. I hope he can help. Otherwise I will really need to step my ASL learning game up.
I always worry about losing my sight as an artist. Or losing my hands.
But I really do think I'd miss hearing the most. So much of the things that bring me joy are heard. Cicadas, crickets, thunder, birds singing in the morning, the huff and puff of my dog, music, laughter. Those are the things that fight off the dark days. They keep me grounded in this world. The here and now. Silence is darkness.
All of my depression coping mechanisms revolve around hearing.What happens when that's gone?
too loud, the world makes them cringe
hearing, a sense I take for granted
overwhelmed in the noise
I've had trouble with my ears forever. When i was little every earring i tried to wear made them swell and get infected. I'm allergic to metal. Not all metal. I've learned that I can wear sterling silver for a time without a reaction. A dog ripped an earring splitting my earlobe. I have tiny white scar
And then came the day I suddenly just started screaming. There was a large pop in my ear. And then pain. The hospital ignored me. Gave me xrays on my chest. Checked my breathing. There was nothing wrong with my breathing. I was screaming. Finally, they listened to me.They sent me home with antibiotics. It was just an ear infection. Although, as an adult I wonder. Ear infections don't SUDDENLY hurt. And I wasn't sick. They didn't bother me until that sharp pain in my head.
My ears are still sensitive. They trap water. Whenever I'm sick I lose my hearing. Right now, my right ear is deaf. Nothing but an internal ringing which is what I hear when it's silent. I see the doctor on Tuesday. I hope he can help. Otherwise I will really need to step my ASL learning game up.
I always worry about losing my sight as an artist. Or losing my hands.
But I really do think I'd miss hearing the most. So much of the things that bring me joy are heard. Cicadas, crickets, thunder, birds singing in the morning, the huff and puff of my dog, music, laughter. Those are the things that fight off the dark days. They keep me grounded in this world. The here and now. Silence is darkness.
All of my depression coping mechanisms revolve around hearing.What happens when that's gone?
